Random thoughts on a random day….

Posted on September 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

A few random thoughts:

  • Please say it, ain’t so! I hope neon does not come back in fashion. I can admit it! I owned a fluorescent green sweatshirt in the 80’s. (Does it count that I was in 7th grade at the time?) I wore it with my phone cord belt! And I even had an asymmetrical haircut. Anyways, those colors weren’t flattering then and they certainly won’t be flattering now.
  • Check out the Ostomy Lifestyle Underwear and Swimwear Show. I wish I could attend this!! How wonderful! The model interviews are great. Kudos to them for participating in this.
  • Here’s something funny….Gmale. Watch it for a good laugh (and the accurate yet creepy ending).

Like I said….random! Do you have any random thoughts for the day?

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Downsizing

Posted on August 25, 2011 | 7 comments

So, I just got back from a trip to the beach. Yay! Although in reality there are limited opportunities for rest and relaxation when on vacation with a 3.5 year old, it was a great trip and wonderful for us to get away.

One evening as we were walking back from dinner, I was able to take a detour for some ice cream while my husband and son headed to the hotel. Although I was on a mission for butter pecan ice cream (yes, I know people either love or hate that flavor–I love it!) a shirt on a sale rack outside a store caught my eye. I was looking for something to wear to the dinner in lieu of a ropes-course-extravaganza, but realized I had little to wear. I thought a nice blouse with some black slacks would do the trick, but don’t really have many “going out” clothes so was on the hunt. Plus I’m attending a wedding in a few months and needed an appropriate dress. So, I meandered into the store and started picking up items to try on.

The store I went to was White House Black Market. This is not a store I’ve had much luck with previously, and I do find their prices a bit high. But I was really drawn to the clothes they were showing. Normally I would walk into a store like this, try on one or two things, shrug my shoulders thinking nothing fit, and leave feeling dejected. Something unusual happened though. A salesperson actually helped me!

Of course I realize she was fueled by the power of commission, but she pulled in all sorts of different clothes to try on, shoes to try on with the outfits, jewelry, the works… Usually this kind of attention, when not done with your best interest at heart, is annoying. Yet she was really good at what she was doing, seemed to be having fun, and appeared to be truly trying to help me. Amazing!

This is where it gets interesting. I tried on many things in my usual size. The cut of their dresses was flattering, but there were still parts that didn’t feel quite right. I fell in love with a particular dress in my usual size, but the salesperson insisted that I  try on a size smaller. I did just that and could see how it hugged my body better. I felt more “aware” of it in the smaller size, but it actually fit me instead of just sitting on top of me. When I questioned the fit, she said “that is how it is supposed to fit.” I realized she was right.

I am still prone to wear clothing that is too big. Self-conscious about my cleavage in high school and college, I practically lived in baggy t-shirts.  And then, with the ileostomy, my desire to hide behind clothes multiplied. It was only about five years ago that I really started to wear my correct size (or so I thought). But, as this experience showed me, I still veer towards wanting things to feel ‘loose.’ I really don’t want to be one of those women you look at and wonder how long the seams on an outfit will last! And I have the fear that my ileostomy will show. Yet, I clearly need to wear clothing that fits my body and is flattering.

I bought the dress, in the smaller size, and also bought the cute cranberry shrug to go with it. The awesome a-line skirt really works well and the belt on the dress hits just the top part of my ileostomy. I also bought this blouse for my “what-do-I-wear-to-dinner” mission. It looks great with the sleeves worn up on the shoulders, by the way, and I didn’t even realize it was supposed to be worn off the shoulders until I found this picture of it online.

A sidenote….at one point I wanted to show the salesperson that a particular skirt was too big. I must have been so comfortable with her that I totally forgot what would happen was I lifted the blouse up a bit to show her my waistline. Sure enough, I flashed her my ileostomy. Just the top part that was peaking above my waistband, but that is enough! I sort of froze for a moment, lowered my shirt, and then just continued on with what I was saying. She gave me a quizzical look, but that was that. It jolted me out of the feeling of playing dress up. Oh well.

At any rate, I ended up staying way too much time in that store and I never got that butter pecan ice cream that night. It was a great experience since it reminded me that I shouldn’t be shy about making sure the clothes fit my body. I guess sometimes it is good to get our your comfort zone to try to find what really works. It really helped to have an outside opinion to give me the proverbial wake-up slap on my cheek. Now I need to revisit my closet and see if I can identify the way-to-big clothes that I know are lurking in there.

Oh yeah…I got that butter pecan ice cream the next day. Yum!

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Zip-a-Dee-Do Dah

Posted on August 16, 2011 | 4 comments

So, here’s something I never thought about until recently. I was invited to a non-traditional birthday gathering at a ropes course. This is one of those places were you climb rope ladders, fly on zip lines, and otherwise flex some muscle. I didn’t want to participate for a number of reasons. The first, and this will not shock anyone who knows me, is that it is just not my idea of fun.

However, I also had some serious worries about how I would hold up. This event would be outside in August, and that means it could be H-O-T hot! As you probably know, with an ileostomy, dehydration is an enemy.  On this course you are not allowed to bring along anything and need to have your hands free. So, I imagine schlepping along some Gatorade is out of the question. Plus the course is supposed to take up to 3 hours to complete. That’s a long time for heat, humidity,and exertion. What if I feel I’m pushing it too far and need to stop? Hard to stop when you are 40 feet up in the air and attached to a zip line. Plus this group of people, who I barely know, may not be very supportive or understanding.

And then I wondered about the harness you have to wear. What if it smushes my ileostomy or causes any harm? What if it is painfully uncomfortable for 3 hours?I read some discussions online, and it sounds like zip-line harness usually don’t cause a problem. However, it depends on the placement of the stoma.

I debated this for quite some time. I hate to feel like a wimp, but I’ve come to appreciate the fact that I can avoid potentially stressful or even dangerous (health-wise, that is) situations. I’ve wimped out and declined the invitations. The good part is they are also gathering for dinner after and I plan to join the festivities then.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that I would like to do this. But I want it on my terms in a way that feels controlled and comfortable. I want to go in Autumn when it is not hot, plus I want to do it with some close friends who I know will be supportive.

So, why do I want to do it? Well…..I know I’m doing the right thing by not participating with this group at this time. But, I almost feel like a challenge has been issued and I want to get out of my comfort zone. It could be really empowering and fun. So, maybe, just maybe, I’ll do it and be sure it is at a time and place where I am comfortable. Maybe that is the most empowering thing of all!?

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Let’s talk about…shhhhhh

Posted on August 11, 2011 | 2 comments

First, thanks to Ostomy Secrets Facebook page for pointing to this blog.  This actually inspired me to write a post about…well…..

Let’s be frank, shall we?  There can be those private moments when a gal doesn’t want to think about an ostomy. I’m very blessed to have a wonderful husband who doesn’t seem to notice or care about my ilesotomy. But, it still bothers me in those intimate moments. Sometimes I wrap a scarf around my waist. Other times…and this is going to sound totally weird and I can’t believe I’m even writing this publicly….I wear a tight t-shirt or tank top around my waist. When I do this, the shirt is bunched up (let’s call it ruched to be fancy) and resting above my thighs.  It holds my ileostomy in place but admittedly may not look fabulous. Usually, though,  I am…..well…..au naturalle, and don’t think about it until I hear the crink-crink-crinkling of my ileostomy.

I’ve been thinking about purchasing the Ostomy Secrets “Foxy Wrap.”  These look very va-va-va voom. Rrrrrrr. Seems like it could be a good solution. I also have looked into the My Hip-T. Even though these are not designed for this purpose, I wonder if they could help ‘contain’ the situation.

Can I tell you a secret? I did something totally daring recently. On a lark, I scheduled a “boudoir” photo shot to surprise my husband with a photo book. This was something COMPLETELY unexpected for me to do, and actually was a great deal of fun. This was a really big deal for me and, honestly, I’m so proud of myself for doing it. I’ve come a long way from the girl who was self-conscious about her ileostomy and wore baggy pants two sizes too big just to hide in them. Still, I really stressed over what to wear for the pics. I delved into the world of lingerie to find things that made me feel sexy and look photo-ready.

My favorite outfit was this slip from Victoria’s Secret. I was so excited when I discovered that I could wear this….I was able to fold my ileostomy in a way that it was hiding behind the pink panel in the front. I went all out with the garters, stockings, heels and even wore a long strand of pearls. Doing the photo shoot was quite liberating. And it is really a thrill to look at the photos and not think “Hmm…can you see my ilesotomy?” but instead think “Dang, that’s me!!”

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Water Water Everywhere, But What’s a Gal to Wear?

Posted on June 21, 2011 | 2 comments

Yes, it’s summertime, and the living is……hot. I’ve always found it challenging to find a bathing suit that I feel confident and comfortable in, and that doesn’t look totally frumpilicious. I’ve heard stories of people with ileostomies wearing bikinis, but that is just not an option for me. As I’ve mentioned before, my ileostomy is placed fairly high up. My scar runs from below my breast bone all the way down. So, I’m absolutely a one-piece bathing suit gal. But, as you know, that is not so easy.

I’ve tried the cute little skirts, which work really well until you actually try to swim and then if you are standing in the pool they float up and look like they are doing underwater ballet. I’ve also tried to wear a plain old one-piece bathing suit, and have success with that until I feel self-conscious when my appliance begins to fill up. So, when I wear that I seem to want to use the restroom every ten minutes!

Perhaps my greatest success was discovering some swim shorts from Lands End. I found this worked well when worn over the one-piece, or combined with a long tankini top. At least, I felt comfortable in it and wasn’t as worried about my appliance.

I am thinking about ordering this high-waisted bottom from Land’s End. Looks like it has some potential!! We’ll see. And I’m also eyeing some suits at ModCloth. They have a fun, retro feel. Haven’t dived in (no pun intended). My goal is eventually to find something I feel comfortable enough in that I can happily take my preschooler to swim lessons!

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Second Life, Body Image & Ilesotomies

Posted on April 7, 2011 | Leave a comment

Please bear with me for yet another random musing on body image. This time it’s about Second Life. For those of you who don’t know, Second Life is a virtual world where you can interact with others. You create an avatar and have control over what you look like, and yes, what you wear.

I’ve been ‘visiting’ Second Life for some time now. It’s a nice diversion and I have made some great friends there. However, you may notice that most SL fashion tends to be, well, shall we say hoochie mama chic. Baring your midriff  (as well as baring other anatomical parts) is the norm.

Here’s where it gets odd….. I have a hard time with my avatar showing off her midriff. Honest! Isn’t that ridiculous. I mean, it is not like I have to worry about her ostomy showing. And yet, I see her as an extension of myself and feel uncomfortable baring my midriff. There is some kind of psychological study in that, don’t you think? Probably the same reason I tend to dress her in winter clothes when it is winter in RL and summer clothes when it is summer in RL.

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Body Image, a rambling post

Posted on April 4, 2011 | 2 comments

We live in a world where Victoria’s Secret models are celebrities, Kirstie Alley is called a pig for being overweight, and jeggings are a fashion trend It’s not always a nice place. So, take a young person who is still becoming comfortable with her body, promise her a j-pouch, discover in surgery that she has Crohn’s disease which cannot be treated with a j-pouch, tell her she has a permanent ileostomy when she wakes up, and then let the fun begin.

I know…I’m not very subtle, am I? Yes, I’m talking about myself. But I know there are others who share the story of learning to love their ostomy when they are young. For me, I was in my mid-twenties when I needed to have surgery. Even the doctors I consulted with before surgery acted like I would want a j-pouch over an ileostomy. I was convinced that having an external appliance was the worst possible outcome. But I learned the lesson that I have NO control over certain things, and woke up with an ileostomy. I’ve come to accept and embrace it. I certainly am much healthier because of it. I’ll never forget when I woke up from having my surgery, I said I actually felt better and my dad said with a smile “It’s amazing what removing a diseased organ can do.”

At any rate, in my teens and twenties, I was always very modest about my body. I would prefer to wear baggy t-shirts that didn’t show off my curves. If anything was slightly snug (which usually meant it fit), I would feel very self conscious. Were people looking at my chest? Is this too tight? I wouldn’t want to draw any attention to myself. Heaven forbid.

Then, to suddenly have an ileostomy in my mid-twenties, well….you can imagine what that does to one’s self image. I wish in the hospital instead of teaching me how to take care of the appliance, they also taught me how to take care of my self-image. I was repulsed with the appliance and felt like it was the end of the world. I would have welcomed any tips about what to wear, how to feel confident, anything. Of course, that would come later, but wouldn’t it have been wonderful if there was a program in place that would help me adjust.

It has taken a LONG time, but now in my thirties, I am comfortable with my body, comfortable showing off my curves, and aware of what works on me and what doesn’t. My ileostomy is part of me, and I’m thankful for it since it has helped me be healthy. I still resent looking at a Victoria’s Secret catalog, but not because the models are so gorgeous. No, I resent the fact that I can’t wear a bikini without my ileostomy being obvious. But mostly I resent the fact that I didn’t feel more comfortable with my body at an earlier age.

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And the results are…..

Posted on April 3, 2011 | 3 comments

So, my hosiery experiment was not exactly a success. Here are the results….

 

  • Hanes Silk Reflections Non-Control Top in Little Color. Ok…..umm…soo…the color was not ‘little’ enough. They had that horrible orange, suntan look. My husband, who never offers fashion advice unless it is an extreme situation, suggested that I swap them for a different pair. They were that bad.
  • Hue So Silky Sheer in Natural. The color was great, and these seemed sturdy enough to hold up to some decent wear. The only problem, and it was pretty significant, was that the crotch seemed  to fall unusually low. Even though the waistband was pretty high on my abdomen, the crotch was saggy. All day at work I felt like I needed to do odd contortions to make sure it did not fall down! Maybe I had a defective pair or something. I will have to give them another try. But, based on my saggy crotch experience, this brand isn’t for me.
  • Calvin Klein Chiffon Sheer – sheer to waist. Gorgeous color. Perfect fit, though the waistband felt a bit low but still was workable. The only problem was that in one day I managed to run two pairs of these! I mean, come on. Both times it happened when I gave the waistband a tug to try to pull it above my ileostomy. I wasn’t pulling it *that* hard. Honest. But these things seemed to run if you look at them the wrong way.

So, bottom line is that I’m still searching. Perfect pair of pantyhose, where-for-art-thou? In a pinch, I would go with the Calvin Klein’s, though I would be terrified of the plague of a million runs.

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Hosiery, Part Deux

Posted on March 28, 2011 | Leave a comment

Ok…I have an important event coming up this week and pantyhose will certainly be a part of it. However, which type? This weekend I loaded up on some different types of non-control top sheer pantyhose. They are:

1) Hanes Silk Reflections Non-Control Top in Little Color

2) Hue So Silky Sheer in Natural

3) Calvin Klein Chiffon Sheer – sheer to waist

I’m hoping to test out which is the most comfortable (particularly with my ileostomy) AND which actually looks the best. I have pretty pale skin, so it’s tricky to find a ‘natural’ looking shade that isn’t too yellow, too tan, or too white. By the way, a 6 year old cousin once said “you are the whitest person I’ve ever seen”….umm…er…ok. She is from California and all so I guess I’m not like the bronzed beach babes she is so used to.

I’ll let you know what the verdict is!

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A Teenage Waist-land

Posted on March 12, 2011 | 1 comment

So, is anyone else thankful that we seem to be over the hump of the ultra low-rise pants? I mean, the type that are so low that you see butt cleavage and that you wonder how the pants are actually staying up at all. It is incredibly annoying that the most fashionable pants options are relegated to low-rise. I don’t think we are out of the woods yet, but at least it is now possible to get pants that are ‘mid-rise’ or sit at the ‘natural waist.’ What would really work best for me is true ‘high-waisted’ pants. My ileostomy is placed fairly high, and for comfort as well as a slim look, I love a high-waisted pant. Since this is usually not possible, I am content if I can find a mid-rise pant that is still not super tight at the waist, so as to give me a bit of breathing room with the ileostomy.

Anyways, I haven’t found the magical pair of pants. I usually need something mid-rise or higher, with belt loops. The contoured waist doesn’t work well on me. Jones of New York dress pants have a fairly high waist, and seem to work well on me. But my ongoing struggle is to find pants for work that aren’t frumpilicious and that fit well. I welcome any and all suggestions!

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